Civility
Donnie Snyder
October 2019
Our American culture has lost a basic sense of civility.
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Civility you say.
What is it and where did it go?
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Any coach will tell you that if you want to succeed at a sport, you must first master the fundamentals. In golf for example, it all starts with the grip. How you grip the golf club is ultimately going to determine how well you hit the ball.
Likewise, a fundamental in effective communication is “civility”. Webster’s dictionary defines civility as:
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civilized conduct especially : COURTESY, POLITENESS
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a polite act or expression
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Have you seen or experienced any of that lately as it relates to the issues of our society doing life together?
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How can we effectively communicate, if we don’t exercise basic civility? The answer is that we can’t. All communication stops when there is no civility. Both parties feel disrespected and attacked. Defensiveness sets in and to use an old saying, it’s “Katy bar the door”.
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Look around our culture. Where is the civility in the news media? Basic journalistic fundamentals are gone. Reporters are like hungry wolves seeking to devour. What about politics? Politicians demean and disrespect one another in the Halls of Congress, on the debate floor and on the news talk shows.
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We are bombarded with this constant lack of civility and it is severely damaging how we get along with one another as human beings. Have we been so exposed to this behavior that we now accept it as “normal”? Watch out because the abnormal will become normal if nothing is done about it.
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This basic lack of civility has gradually crept into our daily lives and is dramatically affecting how we relate to each other on a daily basis.
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I think it is interesting that a follower of Christ named James wrote that we should be “quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger”. Wow! That would be a true paradigm shift for most of us.
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The New Testament Epistle of James, chapter 1, verses 19-20 says:
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“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
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"James echoes Jewish Wisdom tradition on the misuse of the tongue and the anger that can result. Quick to hear. Lack of listening, combined with lack of restraint in speech, leads to ill-tempered action. Slow to anger does not mean that all human anger is sinful, but the quick-tempered, selfish anger of the world (“the anger of man,” James 1:20) betrays lack of trust in God and lack of love for others." - ESV Bible study notes.
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When was the last time you felt someone actually heard you by listening? Most people simply are waiting for you to stop talking so they can start talking. In fact, many don’t even wait for you to stop before they start.
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Well, what can we do about the lack of civility in our American culture? First, each of can begin to communicate differently. We can lean into the culture with truth of James 1:19 and incorporate civility in all areas of our life.
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Let’s start first with our families and model loving and civil communication. Let’s model this for our children and grandchildren. Doing so will underscore that communication is valuable and essential to the human experience.
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Seize the opportunity to point out unacceptable communication when seen, whether that be on television, in the marketplace or while doing life together in general. Raise the bar in this matter. Lovingly draw boundaries when people are not civil to you and lay out your expectations regarding communication. This is not a Democrat or Republican matter. This is not a male or female matter. This is not a racial matter. This is a basic human matter!
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Let’s demand more of our leaders. Communicate with your elected officials that lack of civility in conducting the business of “We the People” is no longer acceptable. Our government is not getting our business done because they can’t communicate with one another. Remember, we will only get out of our elected officials what we expect when we hold them accountable. They are our representatives. They should represent the people that elected them, not the political party they belong to. Don’t give them a “pass” in representing you in a proper and civil manner. Vote them out.
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Legendary NFL football coach Tom Landry was once asked about all the profanity and crude talk that could go on inside the locker room. His answer was, “It seemed like all of that kind of talk stopped when I walked in”. You see, Tom Landry modeled a certain behavior. He had a code of personal conduct and because he did, the bar was raised in his presence.
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Americans, “We the People” need to raise our bar in regard to our personal code of conduct. Bring back civility in all of your communication. Being quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger will be a difference maker. Remember what your grandmother said, “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar”.
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